by Chana Coughlan
I wonder
As I sit here in my new unfamiliar life
Will I ever settle
When will I be in their lives forever
Nurturing them to bloom like Gentians
Victorious in the heat of melting faith
I wonder
The marigolds that once sang in our backyard
Do they murmur through the decaying roots
Like children trusting their garden
I wonder
As my glass grows beads of water
Wells of dreams
And oceans of potential
Condensating on the side of my glass
I wonder
As I wipe them away
As quickly as I did to them
What does she look like?
What sports does he play?
I wonder
If she has my eyes
If he plays golf
Like my father did with me
Can't find my way through this dimension
So I go on to create new ones
Whiskey
Gin and Tonic
Vodka on the rocks
I wonder
If he still drinks “blue smurfs”
And her, shirley temples, with extra cherries
If she is even old enough to order a drink at the bar?
I wonder
Does the change in time zone
Change my need for commitment
Mountain time is leisurely
And it seems that the sun never sets on the west coast
I wonder
If I'll end up alone
Don't know where I'm going
Will the drink in my glass satisfy me
As deeply as this incessant doubt
Or as widely as their distrust in men
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